WHO IS RIGHT FOR ME?
By Tony Kinyanjui, Nairobi
These could be questions that go through the single brothers’ and sisters’ minds when they are looking for their future partners.
As we grow old so does our beauty. We don’t look like we did many years earlier. Marrying because of beauty or handsomeness is chasing after wind. Imagine, she/he is the first person that you see every morning and the last person you see every night. After two months you are so used to each other that you start looking for the next beautiful or handsome person that is around and that’s the beginning of the end for both of you.
Real beauty should come from inside and not what is outside. Inside beauty or handsomeness is real and is lasting. It is what people see in each other’s hearts that bonds them—shared vision, shared dreams, shared and reciprocated commitment. It weathers lots of storms that couples face.
As a disciple there is no scientific or mathematical formula or criterion for finding a life partner, but the bible clearly has some guidelines.
1. LOVE
1 Corinthians 13:4- 7
I believe that this is one true measure by which every single brother or sister who believes to be in love should test himself or herself with. Having these qualities in a relationship shows that you are not driven by emotions or desperation but that there is an element of genuine love. This, of course, is not to say that there will be no challenges in the relationship. Hence …
2. TRUST IN GOD
Proverbs 3:5
The Bible calls us to trust in the Lord with all our hearts and not to lean on our own understanding.
Q. Just how much do you trust in God, especially in this area of relationships? Q. Are you fully surrendered to God, trusting that in due time and according to his own time he will give you the desire of your heart?
Surrendering in this area is not easy because most of us have a mental picture of what we may consider to be our ideal partner, so we dismiss any brother or sister that may happen to like us but does not meet those qualities. Its only when we humble ourselves that God opens our eyes to see the awesome qualities in those around us.
Romans 10:11
The bible tells us that whoever trusts in the Lord God will never be put to shame. This is the confidence that we as single men and women should have when we are going to God in prayer and God will give you the desire of you heart. Commit your ideal brother or sister to God and he may just grant you your desire.
3. DO YOU BELIEVE GOD CAN DO IT FOR YOU?
2 Timothy 1:12
As long as you believe and you are convinced that God is able to guard what you have entrusted to him there is no reason to be ashamed. There could be pressure from your parents, relatives or friends. You make feel that the biological clock is ticking and that all your childhood friends are married and have kids.
Just entrust yourself to God and you will definitely not be ashamed.
Hebrews 3:13
Let us continue encouraging one another—not as a spouse hunt, but out of genuine Christian concern and camaraderie. And you also never know the extent of the fruits that it will produce.
Amen.
Below are accounts of singles who have waited on God’s answer to the question, “Who is right for me?”
PATIENCE AND FRIENDSHIPS
Baptized in 1991, Janet Waweru (now Janet Mwangi) had to wait 17 years for her wedding day in the kingdom, picture left. In that space of time she went steady three times in which the relationships did not work out. “So I had my struggles with feeling disappointed and feeling like there was no one in the kingdom for me,” she shares.
But she learnt to trust that God was writing the script and directing the action, and in mid 2006 she fell in love with a brother, Alfred. Despite Alfred’s moving to the British Isles, the two got engaged, and on 9 August this year, were married. So how did Janet get through 17 years of discouragement and disappointment from dashed dating dreams?
“I struggled,” Janet says, honestly conceding that at one point , “I went out with some guys in the world. But then I chose to stay with God.”
I think once I surrendered and decided that being single or not having a man was not going to take me out of Gods kingdom, I was able to enjoy my life. It reached a point where I had to decide whether I was going to let go of my relationship with God just because I was single.”
But my walk with God is so precious. Where can I go to be away from God, as he says if I go up to the mountains he is there, if I go down to the depths even there he is. So I decided to keep surrendering to his wisdom and his timing and enjoy my life.”
Crucially, I also had some awesome friendships with sisters where I could be open about my struggles and where I could get encouragement when down. I think that helped keep me faithful—friends in church with whom I could be gut-level honest and who would help hold my hands and not let go until I was strong again.”
So who is right for you? The Lord. Wait on him, walk with him, trust his plan.
PRAYER AND FASTING
A group of brothers in Nairobi’s East ministries is called The Mighty Men. It is group of brothers who have been disciples for many years/and are above the age of 30, and are single. One of them, Benson Kyama, explains, “The 15 of us began the year with a goal to set a great example as mighty men in many areas of our lives and to stay happy as mature singles. We decided to fast every Friday and have an all-night prayer once a month.”
“In the past 6months, God has truly been so faithful. We see great victories. Five of these mature men have gone steady. One has been a disciple for 15 years.” The brother in question, Wycliffe Mbimwa, recently wrote, "I just finished 15 years as a disciple on 15 June 2008 and I say 'glory back to God.' Last but not least I went steady on 21 June 2008 to a wonderful sister."
Benson himself has found joy and happiness with Josephine Muinde, a single mother and widow (left), who has been a disciple for twelve years.
So who is right for you? Whose timing is right for you? Whose plan for your life is the best for you? Whom should you trust? Who should we all trust, in everything? The Lord, of course.
- Who is right for me?
- Does he/she have the qualities am I looking for? (Physical attributes, height, build etc.)
- What does he do for a living?
- Is he/ she financially secure?
As we grow old so does our beauty. We don’t look like we did many years earlier. Marrying because of beauty or handsomeness is chasing after wind. Imagine, she/he is the first person that you see every morning and the last person you see every night. After two months you are so used to each other that you start looking for the next beautiful or handsome person that is around and that’s the beginning of the end for both of you.
Real beauty should come from inside and not what is outside. Inside beauty or handsomeness is real and is lasting. It is what people see in each other’s hearts that bonds them—shared vision, shared dreams, shared and reciprocated commitment. It weathers lots of storms that couples face.
As a disciple there is no scientific or mathematical formula or criterion for finding a life partner, but the bible clearly has some guidelines.
1. LOVE
1 Corinthians 13:4- 7
I believe that this is one true measure by which every single brother or sister who believes to be in love should test himself or herself with. Having these qualities in a relationship shows that you are not driven by emotions or desperation but that there is an element of genuine love. This, of course, is not to say that there will be no challenges in the relationship. Hence …
2. TRUST IN GOD
Proverbs 3:5
The Bible calls us to trust in the Lord with all our hearts and not to lean on our own understanding.
Q. Just how much do you trust in God, especially in this area of relationships? Q. Are you fully surrendered to God, trusting that in due time and according to his own time he will give you the desire of your heart?
Surrendering in this area is not easy because most of us have a mental picture of what we may consider to be our ideal partner, so we dismiss any brother or sister that may happen to like us but does not meet those qualities. Its only when we humble ourselves that God opens our eyes to see the awesome qualities in those around us.
Romans 10:11
The bible tells us that whoever trusts in the Lord God will never be put to shame. This is the confidence that we as single men and women should have when we are going to God in prayer and God will give you the desire of you heart. Commit your ideal brother or sister to God and he may just grant you your desire.
3. DO YOU BELIEVE GOD CAN DO IT FOR YOU?
2 Timothy 1:12
As long as you believe and you are convinced that God is able to guard what you have entrusted to him there is no reason to be ashamed. There could be pressure from your parents, relatives or friends. You make feel that the biological clock is ticking and that all your childhood friends are married and have kids.
Just entrust yourself to God and you will definitely not be ashamed.
Hebrews 3:13
Let us continue encouraging one another—not as a spouse hunt, but out of genuine Christian concern and camaraderie. And you also never know the extent of the fruits that it will produce.
Amen.
Tony Kinyanjui, right, is a Bible Talk Leader in the single professionals ministry of the Nairobi church and is a regular contributor of articles to this website.
Previous items from Tony are: Today Is My Day and Lessons In Prayer From A Five-Year-Old Boy |
Below are accounts of singles who have waited on God’s answer to the question, “Who is right for me?”
Baptized in 1991, Janet Waweru (now Janet Mwangi) had to wait 17 years for her wedding day in the kingdom, picture left. In that space of time she went steady three times in which the relationships did not work out. “So I had my struggles with feeling disappointed and feeling like there was no one in the kingdom for me,” she shares.
But she learnt to trust that God was writing the script and directing the action, and in mid 2006 she fell in love with a brother, Alfred. Despite Alfred’s moving to the British Isles, the two got engaged, and on 9 August this year, were married. So how did Janet get through 17 years of discouragement and disappointment from dashed dating dreams?
“I struggled,” Janet says, honestly conceding that at one point , “I went out with some guys in the world. But then I chose to stay with God.”
I think once I surrendered and decided that being single or not having a man was not going to take me out of Gods kingdom, I was able to enjoy my life. It reached a point where I had to decide whether I was going to let go of my relationship with God just because I was single.”
But my walk with God is so precious. Where can I go to be away from God, as he says if I go up to the mountains he is there, if I go down to the depths even there he is. So I decided to keep surrendering to his wisdom and his timing and enjoy my life.”
Crucially, I also had some awesome friendships with sisters where I could be open about my struggles and where I could get encouragement when down. I think that helped keep me faithful—friends in church with whom I could be gut-level honest and who would help hold my hands and not let go until I was strong again.”
So who is right for you? The Lord. Wait on him, walk with him, trust his plan.
A group of brothers in Nairobi’s East ministries is called The Mighty Men. It is group of brothers who have been disciples for many years/and are above the age of 30, and are single. One of them, Benson Kyama, explains, “The 15 of us began the year with a goal to set a great example as mighty men in many areas of our lives and to stay happy as mature singles. We decided to fast every Friday and have an all-night prayer once a month.”
“In the past 6months, God has truly been so faithful. We see great victories. Five of these mature men have gone steady. One has been a disciple for 15 years.” The brother in question, Wycliffe Mbimwa, recently wrote, "I just finished 15 years as a disciple on 15 June 2008 and I say 'glory back to God.' Last but not least I went steady on 21 June 2008 to a wonderful sister."
Benson himself has found joy and happiness with Josephine Muinde, a single mother and widow (left), who has been a disciple for twelve years.
So who is right for you? Whose timing is right for you? Whose plan for your life is the best for you? Whom should you trust? Who should we all trust, in everything? The Lord, of course.